I've reflected! Which is to say I've endeavoured to be honest with "the me" that represses vulnerability in the company of others. My reaction to the idea of "female emotional processing", and as I scribe this reply, I suspect you have already come to this conclusion, was macho bravado to disguise the awkwardness I was feeling at my Psychologist's vulnerability. Thanks for this growth experience! I have edited the Voiceover accordingly.
Intriguing excerpt! I was definitely in my masculine heart with my old Social Supervisor. As I was with every other Service Provider, apart from my current Psychologist, throughout my incarceration. However my feminine heart has been stalking me throughout that period due to the inaccessibility of love. So I guess I could say two things are true at the same time!
I've had a very strong masculine and I tend to overshadow and not listen to my feminine and it has caused me a cluster f of health challenges. If she is 'stalking' you, it is for a good purpose.
Ignoring and not respecting my deep feminine gave me a blood cancer 15 years ago, recently edema in my ankles (although being plastered here in front of this machine constantly doesn't help), shingles in 2021 with lasting nerve damage on my left neck and middle lower occipital ridge. An acupuncturist told me that all of these have to do with the deep feminine who needs warm cooked food, silence, and tons of self care. This cold already baked purple potato should be warmed. Did I warm it??? You see what I'm saying? It's delish cold and so much easier. The masculine MUST PROTECT the feminine and love her mysteries. I didn't enough and am still paying the price. The deep feminine can be indecisive, sporadic, and inconvenient but her gifts are so wondrous she is well worth the extra effort.
Woah! I’m sorry for your pain and torment. Have you read Bessel Van Der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps The Score’? This is why I asked the question! My greatest fear is that emotional/spiritual misalignment, or trauma, will eventually manifest in life threatening physical ailments. This is the thesis of Bessel’s book. And that is, primarily, one of the main reasons why I see my Psychologist.
I have his book, arranged with a few other trauma books. I've listened in to trauma workshops with NICAMB in which BVD spoke, and definitely done some work on the subject but have I read his book? Not from cover to cover, not even a third of it. I have collected books throughout my life, waiting for the time I'd have finally have time to read at length and not in little bites. Now with technology's help, my ability to focus in on something is not what it once was. Yet, when something catches my attention, not much can pull me away. I was fortunate enough to have done some thoroughly deep and consistent therapy. I taped the sessions and typed, then synthesized them up. When I feel lost they are about four feet from where I sit in my office. When I feel really lost, I can open to any page and within a few minutes, all the strength I gained through those years returns to me and I see clearly the pattern that is still running through, at ever increasing levels of subtlety. You are doing fine work! I feel your strength and your compassion.
I think the process you are in and how you express can give hope to others. Obviously, you had a huge impact on your P's internal adjustment. In just a month or two you've made huge advancements! What you were digging at with the old representative trying to put you in a box, and now this one seeing you really are as talented and genius as you said you were must be eye-opening to them. I apologize if I was a little stinging with my comment. I bristle because my father and lover, both Virgo's, put the woman down rather than feel their own vulnerability. I see how that impacted my father's life in full and am seeing now a blossoming of the latter when faced with truly "scared sh*tless" moments sleeping for two nights on a cot in a hospital ER because his problems with a toxic medicinal choice by an Urgent Care physician had him quite sick, but not shot by a gun, stabbed by a knife or having a heart attack or true brain malfunction taking up all the beds.
Glad to see you’re still around, Journalisa. I was beginning to feel concerned for your health and safety. I hope you are well. Neither myself or my Psychologist are laughing at the female emotional processing with contempt or disrespect. On the contrary, we often talk about how the female of the species is more emotionally evolved and thus superior to us men. I, myself, was raised in a loving matriarchally-dominant home so my critique and laughter comes from love not hate.
Really lovely your growth and depth. Could have done without publicizing your critique and laughter of and for the female emotional processing.
I've reflected! Which is to say I've endeavoured to be honest with "the me" that represses vulnerability in the company of others. My reaction to the idea of "female emotional processing", and as I scribe this reply, I suspect you have already come to this conclusion, was macho bravado to disguise the awkwardness I was feeling at my Psychologist's vulnerability. Thanks for this growth experience! I have edited the Voiceover accordingly.
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Intriguing excerpt! I was definitely in my masculine heart with my old Social Supervisor. As I was with every other Service Provider, apart from my current Psychologist, throughout my incarceration. However my feminine heart has been stalking me throughout that period due to the inaccessibility of love. So I guess I could say two things are true at the same time!
I've had a very strong masculine and I tend to overshadow and not listen to my feminine and it has caused me a cluster f of health challenges. If she is 'stalking' you, it is for a good purpose.
How does a dominant masculine heart manifest in health challenges?
Ignoring and not respecting my deep feminine gave me a blood cancer 15 years ago, recently edema in my ankles (although being plastered here in front of this machine constantly doesn't help), shingles in 2021 with lasting nerve damage on my left neck and middle lower occipital ridge. An acupuncturist told me that all of these have to do with the deep feminine who needs warm cooked food, silence, and tons of self care. This cold already baked purple potato should be warmed. Did I warm it??? You see what I'm saying? It's delish cold and so much easier. The masculine MUST PROTECT the feminine and love her mysteries. I didn't enough and am still paying the price. The deep feminine can be indecisive, sporadic, and inconvenient but her gifts are so wondrous she is well worth the extra effort.
Woah! I’m sorry for your pain and torment. Have you read Bessel Van Der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps The Score’? This is why I asked the question! My greatest fear is that emotional/spiritual misalignment, or trauma, will eventually manifest in life threatening physical ailments. This is the thesis of Bessel’s book. And that is, primarily, one of the main reasons why I see my Psychologist.
I have his book, arranged with a few other trauma books. I've listened in to trauma workshops with NICAMB in which BVD spoke, and definitely done some work on the subject but have I read his book? Not from cover to cover, not even a third of it. I have collected books throughout my life, waiting for the time I'd have finally have time to read at length and not in little bites. Now with technology's help, my ability to focus in on something is not what it once was. Yet, when something catches my attention, not much can pull me away. I was fortunate enough to have done some thoroughly deep and consistent therapy. I taped the sessions and typed, then synthesized them up. When I feel lost they are about four feet from where I sit in my office. When I feel really lost, I can open to any page and within a few minutes, all the strength I gained through those years returns to me and I see clearly the pattern that is still running through, at ever increasing levels of subtlety. You are doing fine work! I feel your strength and your compassion.
I think the process you are in and how you express can give hope to others. Obviously, you had a huge impact on your P's internal adjustment. In just a month or two you've made huge advancements! What you were digging at with the old representative trying to put you in a box, and now this one seeing you really are as talented and genius as you said you were must be eye-opening to them. I apologize if I was a little stinging with my comment. I bristle because my father and lover, both Virgo's, put the woman down rather than feel their own vulnerability. I see how that impacted my father's life in full and am seeing now a blossoming of the latter when faced with truly "scared sh*tless" moments sleeping for two nights on a cot in a hospital ER because his problems with a toxic medicinal choice by an Urgent Care physician had him quite sick, but not shot by a gun, stabbed by a knife or having a heart attack or true brain malfunction taking up all the beds.
Glad to see you’re still around, Journalisa. I was beginning to feel concerned for your health and safety. I hope you are well. Neither myself or my Psychologist are laughing at the female emotional processing with contempt or disrespect. On the contrary, we often talk about how the female of the species is more emotionally evolved and thus superior to us men. I, myself, was raised in a loving matriarchally-dominant home so my critique and laughter comes from love not hate.